Why Hair Is NEVER “Just” Hair (and Why It Matters More Than You Think)
Inside: Why hair matters, and why it is NOT and never will be “just” hair.
Ever since my beloved city of Los Angeles burst into flames, I’ve had a hard time creating my usual content.
It just felt wrong to write about hair while people and animals were suffering.
But after re-reading the many heartfelt messages I’ve received over the years, as well as reflecting on my own journey, I remembered something important:
Hair is never “just hair”—it’s so much more than that.
In this post, I’ll share why hair matters deeply (even when the world feels like it’s falling apart) and why we shouldn’t feel guilty for caring about it.
Please note that this article may contain affiliate links. You can read my full disclosure at the bottom of the page.
Why Do We Care So Much About Our Hair?
One of the biggest reasons we care so much about our hair is fairly obvious: Hair is one of the first things people notice about us.
It’s our plumage—our natural way of expressing who we are. And from the moment we’re born, people make assumptions about us based on our hair.
For example, they might assume (correctly or incorrectly) our:
- Race
- Ethnicity
- Paternity
- Age
- Sexuality
- Sexual Availability
- Religion
- Economic status
- Mental health
- Physical Health
To be clear: I’m not saying they should assume any of this! But they probably will.
Hair is a signifier, a way people quickly categorize other people. And because of that, our hair affects how we see ourselves, too.
Hair Is a Huge Part of Identity
Our hair isn’t just related to how others see us—it’s also how we recognize ourselves.
For example, my dark hair shaped my identity in ways I didn’t even realize as a child:
My mother was a redhead, but I was born with very dark brown (almost black) hair.
When I was two years old, my Greek-American stepfather entered my life, and my dark hair helped me blend in (and feel part of) my new Greek family, including my future siblings.
At school, my dark hair and greenish eyes stood out among my blonde-haired, blue-eyed Scandinavian-American friends.
As a little kid, this bothered me a bit, but as a teenager I embraced my uniqueness, and my dark hair became a core part of my identity.
In fact, my dark hair felt so important to my identity that I kept dyeing it for YEARS past when I should have stopped—because I felt like I would lose myself if I let my hair go gray.
And I hear this all the time from other women. Their hair is deeply tied to their identity, just like mine was.
Why Hair is Never “Just Hair”
So, if hair matters so much, why do so many people shrug and say it’s “just hair?”, and act like it’s not a big deal?
Honestly, I don’t get it.
After all, if hair is a huge part of who we are, and if people feel intense grief when they lose their hair, why do so many people dismiss its importance?
If those people were in the room right now, here’s what I’d ask them:
- If it’s “just hair,” why have so many Black people been discriminated against for wearing it naturally?
- If it’s “just hair,” why does the Crown Act exist?
- If it’s “just hair,” why are certain hair colors or styles judged more harshly than others?
- If it’s “just hair,” why do bald men get teased about their lack of hair?
- If it’s “just hair,” why did society freak out when women started bobbing their hair in the 1920s? Or when men started growing their hair long in the 1960s?
- If it’s “just hair,” why do some schools still try to force Native American boys to cut their long hair short?
- If it’s “just hair,” why do so many religions require women to cover it up?
- And finally—if it’s “just hair,” why is there such a STIGMA against gray hair for women but not for men?
Clearly, hair is powerful—and how we identify with our hair matters.
Why We Shouldn’t Feel Guilty for Caring About Our Hair
If, after all this, you still feel shallow for caring about how your hair looks, please remember that hair is a powerful means of self-expression. Hair is POWER.
I get it. And for years, I let society take my power away.
I’d internalized all the negative messages I grew up with about gray hair, so I feared that if I let my hair go gray I’d look old or unkempt, or like I didn’t have any money.
Those fears kept me dyeing my hair for decades past when I was ready to stop—even though dyeing my hair was expensive, tedious, time-consuming, potentially toxic, and very harmful to my hair’s health.
I’m sure that’s why I felt SO liberated the moment I decided to stop dyeing and let my natural color grow in.
For once, I was doing what I wanted for ME—not for anyone else. And that felt powerful.
So if you’ve ever felt shallow or silly for caring about your hair, I want you to reframe that thought and remember:
Caring about your hair isn’t vanity—it’s self-expression. Your hair is a part of you—and owning it, however you choose, is your right. So the next time someone tells you, “It’s just hair” and implies it’s not a big deal, I want you to smile and remember—no, it’s never “just” hair. It’s YOU.
And instead of asking yourself “Why do I care about my hair so much?” try asking, “Why wouldn’t I care about something that helps me feel authentically ME?”
Never let anyone make you feel shallow for embracing who you are.
VIDEO: STOP Saying ‘It’s Just Hair’ – Here’s Why It Matters
Conclusion
Now, if you’re reading this thinking, “Maybe it’s time for me to take back my power, too,” I’m sending you a virtual high five.
Personally, I reclaimed my power by going gray. If that’s not for you (it’s definitely not for everyone), no worries!
But if you think going gray could help you reclaim your power, I’m here to help.
Let me know how I can, in the comments below, and make sure to check out my free guide to going gray.
I’d love to hear from you!
Please do me a favor and share this post to social media, as it helps me grow my audience and spread the word about our Silver Revolution! And remember to subscribe to my YouTube Channel and Pinterest Feed for more gray hair tips and product recommendations. Thanks!
I never felt “it’s just hair”. In addition to being an actress I’m a licensed hairdresser. Hair is a sexy thing on top of our head – if we are lucky enough to have any at all. We take care of it and groom it, just like those in the rest of the animal kingdom.
This goes out to Jennifer in particular. I’m using the “dye strip” method and that’s working okay so far. I too had only one color – dark brown – which is really a serious part of my identity – plus that’s the color I was born with!
I’ve been dying my entire head of hair for years. I realize now that the “white” is mostly on top and I needn’t have been subjecting myself to the all over color routine to get the desired effect. All those chemicals on my head!
So it’s about 3 months now. No problem! And then, when it’s all gray, I’ll have a “new color” for the first time in my life:) Also I notice a little less shedding and my scalp feels much better.
If you feel old, or “lazy” make sure you do all the other stuff that makes you feel good like getting plenty of sleep, eat healthy, get exercise, do fun things for yourself – whatever those things are. BTW I’m 68 years old.
My late Aunt worked in the cosmetics business. She too had naturally dark hair (We are Italian Americans). She dyed her hair until she was about 85. It was short and she always looked perfectly well put together, cute figure. She took great care of her skin and got lots of “beauty rest”. After she retired from her high profile job the only makeup I ever saw her wear was I dash of lipstick. Finally when she quit dying her hair it was very white and she looked beautiful with her green eyes.
She passed away at age 93 from pneumonia. While she was in the hospital, the clergy ladies came to pay her a visit and I spoke with them as well. As we walked away from Mary’s room the woman looked down at a paper which listed my Aunt’s age. She said “I thought that woman was 70”!
There’s more to it than hair color.
And so what if you look older than your husband? You got yourself a younger man:)
You can do it Jennifer!
I love this reply, Lynn Ann!
I appreciate this post so much! I have been on a journey with my hair since the pandemic and I get just so far and then I panic and fear drives me to change course. Over and over. I’m now on my fourth (?) attempt and I’m 4 months since any dye but am still growing out the Demi from the 6 months before that. Plus a horrible decision to try to transition fast with a salon bleaching disaster that turned my dark brown hair flaming orange for a bit. I have been too afraid to do a big chop so I cut 1-2 inches every few months. Determined but also still so insecure about this painfully slow process. The irony is that I have spent more money and time in this in between phase than I did when I just regularly colored. I have felt so much shame for how vain I feel and how traumatic it’s all felt. My hair feels healthier now but I feel I look older than my husband and I worry I look lazy and like I have given up. I want to get through this awkward phase and embrace my natural hair. I’m rooting for myself. Your newsletters help so much. Thank you!
Hi, Jennifer! I’m so sorry you’ve had such a difficult transition, but so glad to hear that the newsletters help and that you like this article! Don’t feel shame for being vain – I think that’s totally natural! And if you can just make it to the end of the transition, you might be pleasantly surprised. Here are a couple of articles that might help: What To Do If You Hate Your Gray Hair and 3 Ways to Go Gray Gracefully (without a Demarcation Line)!. Good luck!
I’m transitioning — 5 months into the journey now. I don’t regret the decision but I do wish my gray hair made me feel more powerful. Instead I feel the opposite. Looking younger than my age has been a source of confidence for me up until now. Any tips on how can I acquire your mindset?
Hi, Susanna! Maybe finding something else that makes you feel confident that’s not tied to age? Like having healthy or shiny hair, or not being chained to dye anymore? Try to remember why you decided to go gray in the first place and just remember that whenever you feel down or not happy with your transitioning hair. And look at photos of women with fully gray hair who look fantastic and that should boost your confidence that you’re making the right decision! Tangled Silver magazine is a great source of inspiration!