My Long Silver Hair Dilemma: To Cut or Not?
Inside: The emotional rollercoaster behind deciding if cutting my long gray hair shorter is a good idea.
“Nooooo!” “Step Away from the scissors!” “Don’t cut it – leave it long – it’s gorgeous!”
These are just a few of the very sweet comments that flooded my Facebook feed last week when I mentioned that I was considering cutting off my long gray hair.
The virtual uproar was matched only by my family’s protests at home. My husband and kids love my long gray hair, and most days, I’m right there with them.
But lately? I’ve been eyeing those scissors with a mix of curiosity and trepidation.
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Why I’m Considering Cutting Off My Long Gray Hair
So why am I thinking about cutting it? Well, there are several reasons, but these are the main ones:
Maintenance Challenges
My long hair takes FOREVER to dry. It takes anywhere from 6-8 hours to air dry, on a good day.
I try to avoid heat on my gray hair (to avoid yellowing), but sometimes I do turn to the blow dryer if I’m in a hurry.
Naturally, blow drying is much quicker, but it can still take anywhere from 10-20 minutes depending on how much effort I want to put in. And if I want to curl it, I have to tack on almost another 20-30 minutes.
Long hair is hot – so HOT – in the summer. Getting it up and off my neck sounds like a dream come true!
My long hair gets in my way. I always have to tie it back while I’m cooking, eating, or exercising.
Despite all of my best efforts, my ends are yellowed and discolored. I asked a friend and fellow gray hair expert to weigh in on why this happens, and here’s what she said:
While there are several causes of yellowing one major one for long gray hair, especially, is oxidative stress. Oxidative stress is when the molecules in the hair degrade over time.
Joli Campbell, QuickSilverHair.com
When this happens it causes a yellowing much like when old clear plastic takes on a yellow hue. This yellowing is hard to combat because it is a natural aging process of the hair, but using a quality leave-in with UV and heat protection will help mitigate the process.
Styling Limitations
I’m not super gifted at styling. I never mastered braids (beyond the simple three-strand braid), and I don’t love the way my hair looks with headbands or pulled back with barrettes or clips.
That leaves me two options – wearing it up or down.
When I wear it down, I usually curl it with a heatless hair curler like the original Octocurl, or a ribbon curler. But since my hair takes so long to air dry, I have to sleep in these tools and sometimes that’s a bit uncomfortable.
On the days when I don’t want to wear my hair down (in other words, most days), I end up just putting my hair up in a not-very-well-done messy bun.
It feels a little limiting sometimes!
My Long Hair Identity Crisis
And honestly? Some days my long silver hair feels like it’s better suited to a different woman:
A calm woman. A woman who meditates, uses essential oils, and runs through fields of flowers in a long flowing dress. A woman who spends her weekends at the beach, drinking Piña Coladas while listening to Jimmy Buffet. She has daughters. She does yoga!
But me? I’m a Type A anxious control freak who spends her days listening to true crime podcasts. I drink gin and tonics and sing along to the Beastie Boys. I jump rope (not too well – yet!), and I have sons.
And if I were going to run through a field of flowers, it most likely would be while wearing a t-shirt and leggings. And I’d probably only run if I was being chased by a bear.
It wouldn’t be a pretty sight!
The Appeal of Shorter Hair
On top of all the styling challenges and lifestyle issues, I like to wear clothes that are a bit more tailored, and sometimes I feel that style of clothing looks better with shorter hair, like a bob.
As you probably know, bobs are all the rage right now. They’re timeless, they’re stylish, and I think silver bobs are especially gorgeous.
I’ve had many bobs over the years, starting with the classic 1980s asymmetrical bob. I LOVED stomping around campus in my Doc Martens, vintage dresses, and my asymmetrical bob:
Short Hair Challenges
The idea of cutting my hair into a bob sounds appealing until I remember why I grew my hair to this length:
My hair is thick and wavy. When I cut it into a bob, it either flips up on the ends like Mary Tyler Moore:
Or poofs up into a pyramid like Roseanne Roseannadanna:
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My hair has to be long for the weight of it to keep those two things from happening.
So then, I think: well, what about short hair?
When I was a little kid, I almost always had short hair. I looked like a young Paul Simon. I was a maniac who frequently got gum stuck in her long hair, so it was probably just easier for my Mom to keep my hair short.
Once I could be in charge of maintaining my hair, I always preferred to wear it long. I just don’t like the way my face looks with short hair.
Some people insist that the reason I don’t like the way I look with short hair is because I’m using my long hair as a crutch against being shy or insecure.
But neither of those are true (for me) – I’m a fairly self-confident extrovert!
There’s also a common misconception that women wear their hair long to try to look younger. But I don’t think hair length has anything to do with age. I like being my age – I have no desire to hide it.
There are no hidden reasons that I prefer long hair on me. It’s simply a personal preference. I just feel like long hair suits my face better.
The Case for Keeping It Long
Here are some other things I like about my long gray hair:
I have more styling options (even if I don’t take advantage of them) – I can wear it up or down. If I could ever figure out how to style it properly, the sky would be the limit!
When I wear it up, it doesn’t get in my face. When I have bangs or bobs, my hair gets in my face and drives me bonkers!
I love my natural color, so with long hair, I get to see a lot more of it!
And honestly, I adore the fact that long gray hair on older women drives some people absolutely bananas! I’m generally a nice person, but I kind of get a kick out of pissing those types of people off!
And, on the flip side, I also love showing other women that it’s OK to have long hair over 50.
So now it probably sounds like I’m talking myself into keeping my hair long, right?
Well – before I answer that I want to ask you one thing:
Can you relate to any of this? Do YOU go through these mental gymnastics when considering a big hairstyle change? Or am I the only nutty one?
Next Steps
A lot of people will say “it’s just hair – cut it, and it will grow back.” But I’ve never found it to be that simple, have you?
I don’t want to make a quick decision that I might regret, so I’m going to sit on this for a few weeks.
While I’m waiting, I’m going to start watching YouTube tutorials so I can learn a variety of ways to style my long hair. (Do you have any to recommend? Please let me know in the comments)!
And here’s the most radical thing I’m going to do:
Since my ends are yellowed anyway and I probably will cut them off, I’m going to do something I haven’t done in 6 years – I’m going to add some color to my hair while I’m making up my mind…..just on the ends, of course, like this:
I’ve been happily gray for over 6 years now and have no desire to color my hair, but I’ve been wanting to test Shrine’s non-permanent hair dye drops for the blog.
I’ve heard a lot of great things about them from other silver sisters, but I don’t like recommending products until I’ve tested them myself.
You just add them to your conditioner for a temporary burst of color. They should wash out completely in 1-2 weeks, if all goes well. (I’ll let you know)!
And if they don’t? No problem – it will just force a decision on me after all this dithering! If my ends get stained, I’ll have no choice BUT to cut them off.
Conclusion
Whether I end up keeping my long hair or going for a dramatic chop, I know that my gray hair journey is uniquely mine. And that’s the beauty of it all – there’s no one-size-fits-all answer.
So, silver sisters, tell me: have you faced a similar dilemma? How did you decide?
Let’s continue this conversation in the comments, and don’t forget to check out my video below for more on this gray hair adventure.
Remember, whatever length you choose, wear your silver with pride!
VIDEO: Why I’m Debating Cutting My Long Gray Hair
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Everything you have just talked about is the same Im going thru right now, except i have curtain bangs). I love my long hair, but I’m a little frustrated with it right now. My curtain bangs, my cut from last year, and a trim two months ago, otherwise my hair is quite long.do i let my bangs just grow out? Im irritated by them falling in my eyes or hanging down cause they wont fit in the ponytail. I see pics of beautiful mid length styles I am greatly tempted, but scared to try it. Hair makes us hot yes ugg, Im always tying it back or up, but then again, wouldn’t i be doing that more so if i was cooking etc? Then it wouldn’t all get in that ponytail! Arrgh lol
Im interested in seeing or hearing what you choose. As well, keep looking at different styles and see what one you think would work for you. Thats my mode for now 😊
Hi, Belinda: I’m so glad you can relate. I guess there will be a downside to any style, right? I’m going to start looking soon.
I understand you completely and you have great hair!
But …cut it and get a bob! A chin length bob is beautiful, chic. And generally I think shorter hair is more chic. But, rant here we go… we live in times where long hair is an obsession. A few decades back, models had all kinds of looks and hairstyles, and current trend is mainly ..long hair..and all kinds of other (increasing) obsessions. ‘Im not saying you and your followers are slaves 🙂 but we are all influenced. Sadly. I’ve had long long hair for a long time and I’m slowly getting around to the chin length bob!!! Now just above about the shoulder, but it feels so bla, dull.
I also went grey for 3 years and re dyed it. So, still processing that one. Its now growing out again.
I look forward to seeing you when you get it cut. If you do, I will!! hahaha
Hi, Jenny! I had a bob about 5 years ago (I’ve had them many times before, too) but now that my jawline is sagging, I feel like the bob draws attention to it, sadly. I love a bob! And I agree with you – there is no variety in hair lengths AT ALL any more. You almost never see women of any ages (especially little girls) with short hair or bobs. Variety is the spice of life!
Hi Katie,
I’m with you. I want to keep my hair long, but it is limiting. Most days during the Summer I just put it up in a messy bun, like you mentioned.
You’re hair is beautiful and you look fantastic with it long. What about a long shag since you have thick hair? They are coming back in style and I think it would look super on you! It would also save drying time and could be left curly or straight.
Good luck with your decision. Awaiting the results of your end coloring and whatever else you decide.
Thanks, Rett! I’ll keep a shag in mind for sure. I need to look into those more. Thanks for the suggestion!
I have and do have discussions with myself about my hair. I think my hair only looks its best when long. I had long ironed hair in the 60’s, cut it in the 70’s after having 2 sons. I was tired, and shortish hair didn’t take as much time to wash, dry or style. I did feel a bit frumpy, but didn’t dwell on it. When I went back to work part time after the boys were in school, I definitely felt I needed to change something. I let my hair grow back and have only cut it once more since then. There are still times I think maybe…….but I’ve never found a shorter hair style that I’ve truly liked. My hair is just too thick and it looks too much like a bubble head. I learned how to French braid my hair in a slightly messy way (kinda cute). I have tried and tried but cannot seem to get the skill back. If I were you I would keep it long(ish). It’s beautiful. The dyed color ends would be a fun change.
Thanks, Elizabeth. I wish I could French braid – it’s a skill I’ve never mastered, but I think it’s so pretty!
I am feeling the same! it took me two years to grow my hair to below shoulder length and I hate the thought of cutting it. I have a nasty cowlick abd when my hair is short, I look like Alphalfa. I too, have wavy hair and it’s hard to control, but now with three inches plus of silver hair from the roots going into light brown hair, I feel it looks stupid. I’ve considered dyeing my whole head silver for it to all blend in, but I’m afraid I’ll make it worse. So what I’m doing is having periodic grind of about an inch to cut off the dry and split ends. I’m finding longer hair is more versatile for there’s a lot you can do with it. In my opinion, I think your hair is at a lovely length and it suits you, so why not just go with a trim periodically? Let us know what you decide, and good luck!
Thanks, Nancy! I’ll definitely let you know once I decide 🙂
Well it seems that I am in the majority, I’m thinking Noooo don’t cut it! , I’ve been following your blog and watching it grow longer and admiring it. But it is your hair, and I love the idea of pink ends. And I know you have the confidence to pull it off. It’s a good idea to think about it seriously because it does’nt grow back quickly ( I don’t need to tell you that though Haha) If you do cut it then you have to promise to colour the ends pink, or maybe lavender.
Hi, Lisa! Thanks – I think I will start with pink, and then I might even try blue just for the heck of it. I’ll post my results!
I think the collarbone length in the photo (where it’s flipping out) really suits you, and the blunt ends make the hair look very thick and healthy. Did that length take as long to dry?
I prefer chin-length and fringe/bangs on me because that suits my face, so I get why you don’t want to go too short if longer suits yours. A blunt trim would look very smart.
Thanks, Nico! It’s been a couple years since my hair was that short but I seem to remember it did dry more quickly. But maybe that’s just me thinking the grass is always greener. I will keep a blunt trim in mind, too!
I’m going through the same thing. I like my hair and long too and wear all kinds of buns and French braids. Now it’s getting too long and heavy and hard to separate while styling. I think you should cut about 3 or 4 inches off. It’s not a huge commitment and would be long again soon. and you might enjoy it more and it would be easier and less heavy to wear it up. That is what I’m planning to do. I may get some layering too but not too much! Good luck.
Thanks, Candace – that sounds like a good plan. I would like more movement, for sure.
Hi Katie,
First off. I cannot tell you how much I enjoy, appreciate, & LOVE the information that you share and give us on your blog & Facebook. Second, because of the wonderful “Silver Sisters” out there (mainly you), decided to stop dyeing my very dark brown in April of this year and let my natural white silvers grow, grow, grow. At the age of 61, I had been dyeing my hair for over 35+ years and have had enough (doing it the “cold turkey”). Regarding your GORGEOUS long hair. You may want to try cutting only some of it off at first and not going for the big chop all at once. Try different longer lengths at first. Or if at all possible, for you, try on some different shorter styled cut wigs to give you an idea of what you would look like with a new cut. Thank you for letting me share and give my opinion.
Thanks, Charlotte, for the kind words – that’s so nice to hear! :-). And I love your suggestions. I’m going to keep them in mind, for sure!
Start cutting gradually, a few inches every 6 weeks or so.
I am in the process of going gray (white), and am going to cut two or three inches at a time. Don’t want to make a big change all at once.
Good luck 😊
Great suggestions, thanks Barbara! I don’t like to make big changes all at once.
I LOVE your hair long!! I’m jealous as mine takes awhile to grow and I can never seem to get it that long! Maybe a couple inches but that’s it! lol!
Thanks, Lori! My hair grows like a weed – it’s genetics, I guess!
Hi Katie! I love your long grey hair! I’m with you on having short hair.. it looks dreadful on me. I just do not have the face for short hair. I have curly shoulder length hair. It, too, can look like Roseanne Roseannadanna so I now have it layered. Have you thought about that? I can picture you with longer layers which would bring out the waves and would also frame your beautiful face. You can do that sexy beach-y wave-y look and you could also wear it up. Just a thought…
Thanks, Marnie! Yes, I usually get lots of layers put in but then I get lazy about getting trims and so the layers stop looking so dramatic. I might have her do some shorter layers this time. Thanks for the suggestion!
Hi Katie,
First of all I want to thank you for being such an inspiration to me as I grow out my gray hair. I am grateful to have found you and your content as I experience this journey of embracing my silver hair. I went the gray blending method and have been dye free for 9 months. As I am further along with the grow out, I am less fond of the variances of my grey/beige hair color. My hair is medium length and I too have considered a longer bob cut during this grow out process. Currently, I rely on pulling my hair back in a ponytail or bun but I’m tiring of that look. My hair also takes a long time to dry and I like it straight which requires heat styling tools:-(
I think your silver hair is gorgeous so I suggest merely cutting off a nice section of the lower growth so you remove the objectionable ends. This way you can still have length to put up or back. Thank you again for all the helpful information you share. It is invaluable as I embrace this new look of my “natural” hair color:-)
Thank you, Teresa! So glad I could be of help. Sounds like we are in the same boat with the hair length frustrations.
When I am unsure what to do I usually cut off an extra inch more than normal for my hair cut and see how I feel. Then I can go more often to cut it again but I am almost always disappointed when I quickly go from mid length to Bob. My hair does the flip too with Bob one side flips out and the other flips in. My hair is 2B so straight till crown then wavy at bottom. Excited to see how the temporary colour thing works for you.
I agree with what you said – I think I’ll go shorter gradually as I usually don’t do well with a big change. I’ll definitely post the color results!
I did more a mid long length and enjoyed it for awhile. But my hair is thick & in hot weather I need it up of my neck!! I needed it up when I exercise too & then it gets kinked after being up & I’d have to always keep it up until I washed it. On top of that I didn’t think I looked real good with it up!!
So after about a year I did get it cut into a chin length bob & love it. If I need to I can still put it up.
That sounds like a great compromise!
I went all silver but being a hairstylist I screw with my hair constantly.. so I went dark again and now I’m going back to my silver since I have more now.. the grow out sucks. So I’ve thought about cutting my long hair with gray roots and I’ve also thought about weaving in more gray throughout and keeping it long.. I can’t decide.. I don’t relish the grow out from a pixie cut.. so I’m still on the fence and that fence is not comfortable lol.. I’ll post a pic of I do chop it all off.. love to all the Silver Siren Hotties 💙
I’d love to see your pix, Shanty!
Oh my gosh, I relate to this *so much*! My hair isn’t as long as yours but is also very thick with a slight wave, and I also am very poor at actually styling it so mostly just leave it hanging, or tie it back!
I’m sorry that I don’t have any helpful suggestions, but think that your hair does look great, but I definitely feel your pain on the decision. I would love to try temporary colour on the ends but haven’t been brave enough yet 🙂
Good luck, and thank you for sharing, as always!
Thanks, Katy!
I think you should cut it but not short more mid length. There is apparently a treatment (Brazilian something) that will stop your hair from doing the Roseanne thing / pricey but you only have to do it a couple times a year. My daughter recently did it and it has worked for her.
How interesting – thanks for letting me know!
I think you just need about 6 inches cut off. You don’t need to go into a Bob. You mentioning this possibility good luck, but it would be good to get off the discolored ends.
Thanks for the feedback, JoAnna!
I love this personal debate you have going on. I have not done the silvery grow out (yet) but I love the different styles and colors of women who have. I admire your vulnerability in telling it like it is. Your long silver hair is beautiful. I’m with you . . . like the idea of getting under the skin of the naysayers “you should NEVER have long gray hair.” Who says???? Is that a rule I don’t know about? My grandma had beautiful multi-shades of long gray hair. She mostly wore it wound around her head in braids. It always fascinated me when she wore it down. This was back in the 60’s and I’m doubtful she got any flack about her hair. I love your idea of the colored hair drops just around the bottom. I watch hairstyle videos all the time. There is one by a woman named Lainey . . . she does some really great updos with her long hair and gives good directions. Good luck in your decision to cut or not-to-cut. I’m with you though . . . it has never seemed to be an easy process to grow it back.
Thanks, Bonnie! I love Lainey but forgot about her videos. I’ll check them out again. Your grandma’s hair sounds beautiful 😍
Hi Katie,
I’m 72 and have been following you since I went gray (almost white) in 2020 and have used some of the recommended products. I got a lot of inspiration from your site when my very dark hair was first growing out. I loved it when you first went gray and your hair was about shoulder length. You could do that with some face-framing layers and you would still have long hair. Mine is more medium with layers and I’m so happy with it. But you need to do what works for you!
Thanks, Cynthia! I’ll keep that in mind. I’m still sitting here dithering but hope to make a decision soon 🙂